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Consecrated Hearts- Vocational Stories |
Deacon Ryan Bredemeyer
Diocese of Peoria
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MY VOCATION
Thoughts from the beginning
I never wanted to be a priest growing
up. WHY would you want to do THAT?? Never get married and put up
with all the bad singing? Don’t you want to DO something with your
life? I mean, and aren’t priests kinda...strange? Are they really
people?
Such were my thoughts. And I had
obviously not watched the “Fishers of Men” film clip. And honestly,
I didn’t really know any priests very well, never had one I
particularly looked up to, and besides, I’m a normal guy. I wanna
get married.
Background
Growing up my parents were divorced
and then remarried other folks, all of whom I love dearly. But
having FOUR parents gave me LOTS of examples and lots of thoughts
about what I’D do soon as I was a parent. I even made lists of
plusses and minuses. No joke!
I ran Cross Country and Track, took
some of the honors classes and worked myself into the ground for
most of High School. Got a job at the TCBY ice cream joint on the
corner and, thinking I could run the place better than the manager,
I began by majoring in Business Administration at the University of
Illinois. I decided that one day I would become a rich CEO of some
huge company (better than TCBY), I would have a beautiful wife and
lots of kids, and a big house on the right street with my ’96
grand-sport Corvette in the driveway. It was all coming together so
nicely...
Things Change
Right away at U of I I got involved
in the Newman Center, the Catholic hub on campus, where my older
brother Andy had already paved the way and honed a shine on the
Bredemeyer name that I’d shortly tarnish.
I absolutely loved the place. I hear
that often Newman Centers can be kind of “geek clubs” but this was
altogether different. There were 7 amazing priests staffing the
vibrant Catholic heart of campus, who gifted us with the Sacraments,
their example and counsel, and who helped lead the many retreats,
bible studies, prayer groups, choirs...
I had never really MET a priest
before. Sure, I had met several after Masses growing up, but I had
never encountered any that were so open to talking and praying with
me, giving spiritual direction, ones that could explain so
beautifully the mysteries of the Catholic Faith...
I began to fall in love with
Catholicism.
It had, in the past, been “that
boring hour” that I had to trudge through on Sunday mornings. (At
least I can say I was pretty faithful in my trudging...) But it had
never been so ALIVE, I never knew the beauty and the whys...in
short, these priests and the community there helped me to meet
intimately a very special person who is the reason and the goal of
the Faith: Jesus Christ.
More on the Priests
They taught me to pray. The rosary.
The breviary. But most importantly, prayer of the heart, silent
time in the Chapel before Jesus Christ in the Holy Eucharist. More
on this below.
And even Holy Mass wasn’t (at least
externally!) like it was at home. One example: the preaching.
These guys could get so fired-up, so excited to share the Truth they
clearly possessed in their hearts, the Holy Spirit truly FILLED them
as they spoke! They would preach and jump up and down and pound and
smile and love and explain and reveal to some very thirsty hearts
the Truth of Jesus Christ and His Church which they had come to
know.
One of the treasures they passed on
to us in their 15-20 minute+ homilies (during which I would take
notes!!) was the concept, the reality of VOCATION. They explained
quite simply that God MADE us, He made us with a PURPOSE, and that
we could find out what that purpose was in a relationship of
conversations with Him. And that’s called prayer. They taught that
in finding our vocations--whether they be to the priesthood,
religious life, married life, or single consecrated life--we would
find our path to true happiness in this world, and our surest path
to eternal happiness in the life to come.
I thought that sounded like the
greatest deal and so I set about this process of discernment right
away! The priests and other members of the community there
encouraged me to spend lots of silent time before Jesus in the
Tabernacle, for He dwells there so beautifully and so patiently--His
entire Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity. And He is just waiting
there, God Almighty (!), just waiting to love us, to give us freely
what our hearts truly desire: Himself.
Here I am, Lord
And this is how it happened. As
often as I could, I’d steal away into the dimly lit chapel at night,
slip into a back pew, kneel down and start talking with the Lord.
My knees hurt so the kneeling didn’t last long but the prayer did.
I started just thanking Him for so many graces and blessings--the
priests, my new friends there, this new quest for holiness and my
vocation...He is just SO GOOD!
And I found myself doing a funny
thing. I’d look around to see if anyone was there or looking...and
when there wasn’t, I’d focus on Jesus’ Holy Presence in the
Tabernacle, and then on my own heart, and then I’d physically move
my arms so as to “open” the doors of my heart, to a compassionate
and loving Christ.
And He never once let me down. As
soon as I intentionally invited Him into my heart like this, He
would come rushing in with the greatest peace and joy. I loved
doing this, I suppose that’s why I kept doing it. Anyway it was an
effort on my part--even though I wouldn’t have had the words for it
at the time--to open my heart completely to Jesus, to surrender to
Him and His Will for my life, to make myself VULNERABLE before Him
so that we may really have a relationship of Love. Think of the
Prodigal Son. Like the parable where the father was “filled with
compassion” (Lk 15: 20), I’m sure that even in the Tabernacle Jesus
wept these precious tears of joy.
My relationship with Jesus continued
for some time like this. Slowly, as my heart grew and changed, a
new desire, a new love began to surface in my heart. Could it be
that my growing closer to God and His ways began to clarify my
sight, my loves, my deepest desires? A love, a desire, a thirst for
the holy priesthood grew slowly in my maturing heart. God was
speaking to me, teaching me, forming me.
Light on a Hilltop
Eventually I could not hide it...nor
did I want to! Thanks to a healthy Catholic identity and culture
fostered by the priests at the Newman Center, it was “cool” to
become a priest, religious, or nun. (It was also clearly cool to
get married, as so many of my friends found their spouses at
Newman).
A decisive time had come--an honest
look into my heart found real loves for both the married life and
now also for the priesthood--a spiritual, though real marriage
between a man and the Church, a relationship of love and sacrifice
wherein a man gives himself totally to his bride.
Through continued prayer and
guidance, I followed the Lord’s invitation to give the priestly
vocation a serious try, a sort of courting or “dating” the Church in
order to more fully discern the Lord’s call, my vocation. I entered
seminary in the Fall of 2000, my junior year of college, and have
spent the last 6 years there studying philosophy, theology, and
continuing listen to the tiny whispering sound: “Come, follow me.”
Page
on the internet:
web.mac.com/bredemeyer
This page is the work of the Servants of the Pierced Hearts of Jesus and
Mary
