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Consecrated Hearts- Vocational Stories |
Sr.
Juana Maria of the
Immaculate Heart
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I was born
in the United States although my parents are Columbian. In order to
speak about my vocation to the religious life, I feel, before
anything else, the need to mention the mercy of God for me when he
took me to meet him for the first time. I was 18 when I found Jesus,
or better said when I came to really understand who he was. I
remember that since I was a little girl I always prayed to “God”
before going to sleep and that every Sunday I would go to Mass with
my family. But “God” still did not have a personal meaning for me-
it was not a person but a duty.
All this
changed thanks to a trip I took in which without seeking it or
knowing it the Lord had something new prepared for me. It was a trip
to Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic taken on August of 1985, a trip
in which our Mother Foundress, Mother Adela Galindo, made the
decision to consecrate her life to the Lord as a consecrated woman,
and where I came to experiment, within my own heart, the immense
love of God that “totalizes”. I must say it in this manner because
that is how I experienced it. I do not know if this occurred because
I was in a group of people that included a special soul called to a
radical offering, as I perceived in the life of Mother, but
definitively since that experience two concepts stayed profoundly in
my being: the greatness of the love of the Lord and the total
offering to Him.
I also
feel that the Lord was extremely merciful towards me in that, apart
from having an encounter with Him that impacted me, I also had the
opportunity to know the love of the Blessed Virgin. On the
penultimate day of that mission, I clearly remember the time I spent
in the Sanctuary of the Virgin of Schoenstatt. I asked Her not to
allow me to leave that place until I was sure of her maternal care
and protection for me and my total offering to her Son. I strongly
felt the need to consecrate the response that, in one way, I knew I
had to give the Lord one day.
That is
why I say that it was not the vocation itself that was born first,
but it was the desire of the total response of my life for the Lord.
I felt extremely moved to respond with that same intensity, to the
greatness of the love that I had found in Jesus. At the same time, I
knew that with time the Lord would teach me how and what the words
“total offering” meant.
That is
how it was, although not so rapidly as it is narrated. From 18 years
old, six years passed by before the “yes” of the total offering to
the religious vocation. These six years were years in which I tried,
from my part, to see how I could offer myself, but, at the same
time, not leave everything. However, this cannot be done; what the
Lord asks for is precisely everything. I remember, therefore, the
“last” opportunity that I gave myself to understand once and for all
what it was that the Lord wanted for my life. I had decided to go on
a retreat to a monastery of Benedictine Nuns in a small town in the
city of Montana. It was the month of August of 1991. The retreat was
two weeks long and during those 15 days I assured the Sisters once
and again that it was not a vocation to the religious life that I
had, but another one. They would express less with their words
although much more with their eyes. “We will see; may it be the Lord
who speaks to you” they would tell me. I remember so clearly the
morning I said goodbye; when I woke up, inside I started to feel a
sadness so strong I had never experienced before. I started to cry
and I surprised myself because I did not know completely the reason
for my tears. When I went downstairs with my luggage and I saw the
Sisters and the other young girls from the retreat I fell into
tears. The Sisters started to look at each other and they hugged me
tenderly. I told them that there was no reason for me to cry and I
apologized to them. And in reality, I did not know why, I only knew
that I felt a very profound emptiness inside me. Now, looking back,
what comes to mind is the passage of the young rich man who upon
leaving the Lord Scripture says that he went away “sad.” I think
that is what I felt in that moment.
I remember
that later, being in the plane, I was happy because I sat on the
window seat and in this way I could hide my face somewhat since I
knew that as soon as the plane departed I would start crying again.
And that is how it was. So, in a moment of grace, I closed my eyes
and I told the Lord: “Lord, I know why I am crying although I have
not wanted to see it. I know that I cannot leave you, and I also
know that if I do not respond to the religious life I would be
turning my back towards you and this would be totally contrary to
everything that I have received from you because religious life is
what you want of me. No, Lord I will not leave you; I will offer
myself entirely in love to you as a religious.”
From that
moment, I stopped looking back. Today I greatly desire to glorify
the greatness of the love of God which always seeks our hearts,
without allowing itself to be overcome by our hardness or by our
nothingness. I am so grateful to Him for having given me, without
deserving it since it was I who escaped from Him, the grace of
responding to His will- something that I had not obtained in the six
previous years.
Scripture
tells us: “My son, when you come to serve the Lord, prepare yourself
for trials. Be sincere of heart and steadfast, undisturbed in time
of adversity.” (Sir 2:1-2) And that is how it was. The interior
conviction that I had received, by the grace of God, would not be
fulfilled in me without the necessary “test” of my desire of doing
what was necessary to respond to God.
So, as
soon as I returned to Miami from the retreat, my only thought was to
speak with Mother Adela and ask her if she allowed me to be a
Servant. I must say that in my mind and in my heart, there never was
any other possibility for me as for a Religious Congregation. I
profoundly loved Mother Adela and each one of the Sisters that were
in the Community with whom I had shared very joyous moments. For me
to think of religious life and not think of them was impossible. I
loved who they were, how they lived and their way of loving Jesus
and the Virgin Mary. They were a cause of joy in my heart and also
in the hearts of many others. I really wanted to join them and be
like them.
However,
our Mother, in her great wisdom, considered that after so much time
of uncertainty, it was necessary to see, or better said, to “test”
the authenticity of the vocation. That is how she asked me to wait
for some time. It was a real test at that moment and I set out to
wait as long as it was necessary since I did not want to go back to
how everything was before. Now, looking back, I appreciate immensely
Mother’s decision since it was the opportunity I had to strengthen
within me the grace that God gave me. Instead of changing my mind,
my desire to be a religious was confirmed each time more. I recall
that every time I had the opportunity I would remind our Mother of
my desire to be a Servant. She said that this was done on so many
numerous occasions that it was as if my presence was everywhere,
even in her soup as she drank it!
It was all
worth it. Religious life, life as a Servant of the Pierced Hearts of
Jesus and Mary, has been my path of happiness, of conversion, of
growth, of joy, of offering, of service and fraternity. That is how
I entered into the Congregation in the month of August of 1992 on
the feast of Our Lady of the Angels. I owe so much to my vocation,
to my life as a Servant that no quantity of words suffice to express
my gratitude to God and to Mother Adela. It is the path of the
pierced Heart, without a doubt a path that is not possible if not on
the Cross. However, would there exist hearts that are more generous,
more perfect, more committed or that better reflect the true face of
love than those of the Pierced Hearts of Jesus and Mary?
Today, 13
years later, my constant prayer to the Lord and His Blessed Mother
is that my life, as a religious, may continue, until the end of my
days, with the same purpose: to be a response to the love “that
totalizes” of the Hearts of Jesus and of His Mother, the ones which
have loved us immensely; living it in our Community, in the Church
and wherever the Lord takes me to serve Him as a Servant.
“All
for the Heart of Jesus through the heart of Mary.”
This page is the work of the Servants of the Pierced Hearts of Jesus and
Mary
