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Sister Laura of the Angels of the Crucified Jesus and Sorrowful Mary
I was born in Leon, Nicaragua on May 13th, 1967, Feast of Our Lady
of Fatima. The Lord blessed me with such loving, wonderful parents,
who were devout Catholics. Carlos Manuel, my only brother is a year
older than I. I always had a great love for both of my parents.
Even though, as a little girl, I was always closer to my dad, I loved
both of my parents equally. They only had 2 children, but together
we made up for about 11 kids. We never lacked anything in our lives.
In Leon, the city I was born in only had two all-girls Catholic
Schools run by Religious Sisters, the Purity of Mary and the
Assumption of Mary. I had the privilege of attending the Assumption
of Mary School. I loved my school. While I attended school, I had
two Mother Superiors (Mother Maria and Mother Dolores). Both were
very special and marked my heart forever. They were different, yet
they were both kind and very loving with me. That was my first
experience with religious life. Till this day, I give infinite
thanks to God and my parents for allowing me to go that school,
where I was able to experience first-hand the positive impact a
consecrated soul can have in the life of a child. When I was 8 years
old, I received my First Holy Communion in the school chapel with
all my classmates.
Ever since I was small, I was always an A+ student. I had a
beautiful childhood, loved sports and loved to read. I was always
very social, so I had many friends and still do (most of them since
childhood). When I was little I was captivated to see how the
religious sisters in my school lived, since they had their living
quarters right behind our school chapel. So, I used to sneak in
behind to try and peek to see how they lived. Never got a chance,
one of them would always find me and very lovingly take me back to
the other side of the school. It was all a mystery.
As a family, we would go to Mass every Sunday, even when we were on
vacation. My mom taught me how to pray, and although I used to find
it amusing, I know God was already working within me since such an
early age. Every December 7th, in honor of the Immaculate
Conception, there was a Marian Tradition in Leon, we would go from
house to house and sing songs to the Blessed Mother. This foster and
deepened my love for the Blessed Virgin Mary. My mom tells me, that
as a single woman, she used to go to daily Mass, no wonder she is so
devoted to God. My parent’s example of life and love for our Church
is something I will always be thankful for.
When I was 4 years old, my dad suffered a massive heart attack.
Thank God and the Blessed Virgin Mary (he was very devoted to her),
he survived. I grew up knowing that my dad had heart problems.
Everywhere we went as a family, I remember we use to take an oxygen
tank (just in case something would happen to my dad). My mom lived
her entire life committed to my dad and us. Carlos and I grew up in
a very loving environment, but at the same time we were very much
aware that we had to take care of our dad’s health. During his
lifetime, my dad had 2 open-heart surgeries with 5 bypasses each. He
was a living miracle and a man of steadfast faith, who loved the
Eucharist with all his heart.
Due to the civil war in my country, my entire family left Nicaragua,
when I was 9 years old. We came to the United States. Never, did I
ever remotely think that I would become a religious sister. In 1986,
my mom invited me to go to a youth retreat, I did not want to go at
first, but finally I went with two of my best friends. This was the
turning point in my life, this retreat marked my life forever. I was
18 years old. For the first time ever, I had a personal encounter
with Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, and gave Him my heart and
my entire life. I experience so much love from the Lord, and I cried
intensely. In the days that followed, my life was not the same. I
began to become more active in my home parish, Saint Louis. I
started going to daily Mass, visiting the Blessed Sacrament, and
reading the Bible. I became an active member of their youth groups.
When I was the Youth Leader of the Charismatic Renewal, I ran into
my cousin and he invited me to go to the Ark of the Covenant (a
covenant community of lay members). There was Mother Adela, who I
had not seen since I had left Nicaragua as a little girl. She used
to live on my same block in Leon. I consider it a great blessing
from God to have known her all of my life. I knew this is where God
wanted me. I entered to be a member of this community and to live
their commitments faithfully. Mother Adela was the one who would
form us, guide us and teach us. Her challenging teachings evident
love for the Blessed Virgin Mary are unforgettable. The solid
religious formation I received in the Ark of the Covenant is what
(till this day) I consider solidified my vocation. Belonging to this
community fostered a deeper love for Jesus, Mary, and the Church. The
spiritual bonds which were formed are indelible. Ana Margarita (presently known as Sr. Ana, the Vicar of our community), Maria, and
Carmen were also part of our group. There were not religious sisters
at the time, and they called themselves single-for-the Lord. From
that moment on, I never separated from them, this was back in 1986.
My first thoughts of a religious vocation (or should I say the first
seed planted in my heart by the Lord) occurred in college, when I
was 21, while staying with SCTJM for a one week retreat discerning
my state in life. These considerations were greatly overshadowed by
my joy of being in college and partying. Actually I wanted to enjoy
life to the fullest, so I thought.
After the retreat with the sisters, Sister Ana asked me what I
thought the Lord was saying to me. I had to give her an answer, it
was part of the process, so I told her I think he is calling me to
married life. I was too young to seriously discern such an
important, life-changing decision. I was more concerned about
finishing my business career. In retrospect, I chose it because it
was more appealing and it seemed the most natural choice at the
time. Also, because the notion of religious life was relatively new
and unknown for me. It was not my time yet.
Here began the struggle which I had to deal with for so many years
of my life. I sincerely thought my heart was available for whatever
God wanted from me, so I was open to both vocations: marriage and
religious life. Deep down inside, I honestly desired and wanted the
two. Needless to say, this produced a continual inner struggle
within my heart, on the one hand, I felt so attracted to marriage,
and on the other, I felt that God was asking me to give myself
entirely more intimately to His Son, Jesus Christ. My heart was
divided. Not knowing clearly what God wanted from me caused me a
great deal of suffering. Part of me yearned to follow the Lord more
intimately, and the other part of me wanted to continue in the
world’s affairs.
On March 19th, 1990, Feast of Saint Joseph, during my stay with the
Sisters, they received permission for the first time to have the
Blessed Sacrament exposed in their convent. I treasure this moment
as a great detail of love from the Lord. What a privilege to have
been there, without knowing that one day I would become part of this
congregation.
When I used to spend quality time with the Lord in the Blessed
Sacrament, I would ask Him to help me discern which one of the two
was my true vocation. Truthfully I wanted to do His will, no matter
the cost. It was a real struggle within me, for deep down inside the
call to both vocations was strong, so I felt been pulled in both
directions. The world was pulling me one way, and the Lord the
opposite way. Later on in life, I understood and discovered, that in
order to become a religious sister, you have to be totally open to
married life. It makes total sense, after all you are to become the
Spouse of Christ and be married to Him forever.
In the midst of all this, I continued with my normal, everyday life,
working, studying, and regularly helping the Sisters in everything I
could. Therefore, until today, I thank God for keeping me close to
the Sisters for so many years. I am humbled and extremely grateful
to the Lord for this gift. I would actively participate in most of
their retreats, either by helping them sell their religious
articles, or by videotaping their talks and events. I also had the
gift from heaven of travelling with them on many pilgrimages.
Everything that was humanly possible, and that I was able to do for
the Sisters in order to help them advance in their mission for God,
I did. I had the blessing and honor of sharing with them so many
special moments of our community. Moments, which I treasure very
close to my heart. Being able to share with them so many
unforgettable experiences, made me extremely happy. I felt as if I
was one of them, but without the habit. Everyone would consistently
ask me, “if and when I was going to become a religious sister”, and
I would always give them the same answer: “I love them with all my
heart, but I don’t think I have the calling”. However, something
always stayed within me, something which I cannot explain with
words. Something, which I, myself didn’t understand.
I began to run away from my vocation, for many reasons, but I have
to say the main reason was fear. Fear to leave my life completely
behind, just as I had planned it, and fear of the unknown. So, I
decided to ignore the call. I figured if I ignore it, it will
eventually go away. It never went away. As a matter of fact, the
more I evaded it, the stronger and more persistent it became, but I
decided to dim it, anyways. However, it was pointless, because it
was constantly on the back of my mind, and it would never leave me
alone. I perceived as if the Lord was tapping me on the shoulders
and saying: “It is with you, I am calling you," and I kept saying:
“no, it is not with me, anybody else, but me”.
During college, I was a business student who worked-out at the gym
for 3 hours everyday. I also played tennis. I had a pretty active
social life. Business was my passion. I had already planned out my
life and a religious vocation was nowhere in the radar. I wanted to
have a successful business career and a family of my own, so that my
kids would grow up to be for the Lord. By the Mercy of God, I always
kept myself close to His Church. I remained active in my local
parish as a Lector, Eucharistic Minister, Young Adults Prayer Group
Leader, etc. My personal relationship with Jesus and Mary was there
all the time. It was my love for them what gave me strength during
all this time of struggles.
Even though, my heart was torn in half (at least it felt that way),
the thought of leaving everything the world had to offer to follow
Christ in a more radical way was not part of my immediate plan. The
desire to own my business or work in the Marketing Department of a
Fortune 500 company was on high-gear. I was very independent of an
individual and too involved in the business world to consider any
other options. My life was set, so I thought.
After college, I attended graduate school at FIU (Florida
International University) where I completed my Bachelors Degree with
a double major in Marketing and Management. Despite a demanding
schedule at work, my first priority was spending time with the Lord
in the Blessed Sacrament, my family and friends. Just like any other
single woman, I also dated. In many ways my plans were pretty much
set in motion. I was living a pretty normal life, always staying
close to the Sisters, (little did I know that one day I was going to
become one of them). In hindsight, having kept myself close to the
Lord all those years is what kept me active and alive in my faith.
During my lifetime, I received so many different business awards,
plaques of recognitions of achievement, leadership awards,
commendations, etc, yet deep within me, I had this overall emptiness
which only God could fill. From the depth of my heart, I knew I had
to leave everything the world had to offer to follow Jesus Christ
more closely, but I was still not totally convinced of my calling.
In August of 2005, Year of the Eucharist, my dad died from the
heart. For the first time ever, I experienced what it meant to be
“pierced”. I perceived a sword piercing my own heart thoroughly, it
was very painful and acute. I felt my heart been ripped inside of
me. The loss of a parent is indescribable. There are no words to
explain what losing my dad meant for me. I am comforted knowing that
I was able to tell him how much I loved him, and that I was planning
on marrying Jesus (don’t know where this came from), but I had to
tell him. I just had this sense of urgency to tell him while he was
alive. My dad gave me His blessing, this was 6 months before he
passed away. After my father’s death, I was no longer the same. I
was extremely close to him (always daddy’s little girl), and I had
never experienced the excruciating pain of losing a parent. This was
one of the most difficult times of my life. Grieving his loss was
not easy, yet knowing He was with the Lord in heaven, gave me the
strength that I needed it at the time. I needed to be strong for my
mom and my brother.
God is so awesome, He never gave up on me. What great love and
patience the Lord had shown with me. The Lord knew that if I was to
respond to his loving call in a profound way, I needed to be totally
convinced. So, He patiently waited for me, until my dad’s passing.
God knew I had to experience what it was like to be “pierced” with
my own dad’s death, in order to fully understand what my true
vocation was - to be a “servant” of the Pierced Hearts of Jesus and
Mary.
Finally, the day of absolute conviction came. It was during the
month of May, 2006, during a pilgrimage in Krakow, Poland, at the
Divine Mercy Shrine, while attending Mass, I became totally
convinced in a profound way that I was called to be a religious
sister. It was definitely a moment of a particular grace. For the
first time in my life, I felt I needed to respond. I knew I couldn’t
run anymore, I had been running away from the Lord for too long. I
perceived the Lord telling me: “How much longer do I have to wait
for you”. And, I said, “No more, Lord”, and I surrendered. Jesus
finally proposed to me one more time, this time I was able to hear
him loud and clear, so I joyfully accepted his invitation. My
immediate plans were suddenly on hold, but this inner conviction of
my vocation grew stronger as the days went by, however, I did not
tell a soul. This was something between the Lord and I. Upon my
return from the pilgrimage, a day did not go by when I did not feel
that I needed to respond to the Lord. I needed to give Him my final
answer. He had been waiting for me for such a long time, I couldn’t
possibly continue to run away from his call, neither did I want to.
My mind was already made up. I was confident the Lord was calling me
to religious life, to give up everything I had to follow Him. My
heart was finally ready to give my Merciful Lord, the “so-long
awaited yes”, He had so much yearned for.
Consequently, I entered into a formal discernment process with the
community. During this time, my personal prayer life expanded in a
way I could have never expected. Eventually I came to understand
(not fully) God’s perfect plan for my life. Slowly but surely my own
plans were shattered right in front of me, but it didn’t matter
anymore. My eyes were set on an even greater goal. They were focused
on Jesus and on loving Him with all of my heart. All I wanted to do
was to give my life to Him totally and exclusively.
The insight in pursuing a religious vocation became clear to me.
Nothing else made sense. I realized that since all eternity, it was
God who had chosen me, not I. And, this made all the difference in
the world. Becoming aware of this revealed truth, was an absolute
eye-opener, totally liberating, for I knew I had to answer out of
love for Him. How could I not respond to so much love?
Prior to entering religious life, I was employed for the Consumer
Lending Division of one of the largest banking and financial
services organizations in the world. People still ask me, why after
been such a successful business executive did I make the decision to
leave everything behind to become a religious sister? The answer is
very simple – “because He asked me to”.
In hindsight, no one is more shocked with my decision than I am. For
I never imagined I would be entering a convent. Changing from the
Business World into Religious Life is absurd in the eyes of the
world, but not in the eyes of God. Definitely, God has an incredible
sense of humor, and He knows when and how to use it.
In everything, God has been extremely generous to me and has blessed
me with the gift of having such beautiful, loving parents who were
married for 50 years, a wonderful brother, amazing friends,
excellent health, professional and financial success. Who am I to
deserve so much love from my Lord? The Lord has giving me so many
talents, which are now being used to advance his Kingdom.
My final and irrevocable answer to His amazing love took many years,
but the Lord is faithful, and He knew what it would take for me to
surrender, my father had to go to heaven before I would ever even
seriously consider a religious vocation. He knew that as a daughter
I had to be with him until the end. He, who had suffered (precisely)
from heart disease for more than 33 years, and had given his entire
life for our family. Nonetheless, Jesus was preparing my heart. He
knew when it would be the perfect time to respond. I would
eventually answer His call, it was just a matter of time, and by the
grace of God, here I am.
My heart was made for loving Him exclusively. Everything is His
doing. He took the initiative. God made me an offer I couldn’t
refuse. He asked me to marry him, and I accepted. He has called me
by my “name” and I am all “His”. His love conquered my heart and
soul, and I fell in love with Jesus Christ. I praise Him for
allowing me to be a part of his plan and to be able to ( in a
minimal way) help him with the salvation of souls. He has set me
apart, to be a witness of His love to this world. What an amazing
journey it is to follow in Christ’s footsteps! I have the most
awesome Spouse, and I couldn’t be happier. Every step towards this
end was well worth it.
I will always be extremely grateful to the Lord for giving me the
undeserved gift of my vocation and for allowing my heart to say:
“Let it be done to me according to Your Will”. God’s greatest gift
to us, is our lives, and we only have one opportunity to live it,
why not live it for Christ?
I am a chosen daughter of the Father and the Blessed Mother. I am
fulfilled in my religious vocation and would not change it for the
world. On December 12, 2009, Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe, by the
grace of God, I solemnly professed my first religious vows in this
beautiful congregation which I love with all of my heart, “Servants
of the Pierced Hearts of Jesus and Mary”.
“All
for the Heart of Jesus through the heart of Mary.”
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