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Sister Laura of the Angels of the Crucified Jesus and Sorrowful Mary
My name is Sr. Mary Amanda, and I’d like to share with you about my
vocational story. I first felt a desire to be a nun at the age of
17. I have been Catholic my whole life, and attended Catholic
schools, but it wasn’t until I was 16 that I began a “search” for a
deeper relationship with God, and gradually my faith in Jesus began
to be more real for me. What helped me immensely was that in high
school my religion teacher used to read to us a small paragraph from
the Divine Office about the life of the saint the Church was
celebrating that day. On October 1, when he read about St. Therese
of Lisieux, a young woman who at the age of 15 entered the Carmelite
monastery, and died at the tender age of 24, her story really
touched me. It described how she lived what was called the “little
way” – doing little, ordinary things with a depth of love. I loved
this simplicity, and I felt she was one of the saints I could relate
to. It stirred my interest to read more about her – she was young,
and I admired the way she loved Jesus and walked in love. After
school I immediately went to our library to read more about her. I
loved reading her autobiography, “The Story of a Soul.” Afterwards,
I began attending daily Mass, and also felt the beginnings of a deep
desire to be a religious.
During this time I also was invited to two different retreats. One
of them, when I was 18, really changed my life. They had all night
Eucharistic adoration, and taught us about ‘Mary-like’ modesty in
how we act and dress, particularly as women. To ask ourselves: would
Mary wear this? Would Mary act in this way? It got me thinking. I
also felt Jesus really present in the Eucharist on this retreat, and
I grew in devotion to the Rosary. I began to pray, and after the
retreat I began a weekly holy hour with the Lord in the Eucharist.
I desired to enter the convent right after high school, but my mom
strongly encouraged me to wait until I was older and more mature to
make that kind of decision. I didn’t agree at the time, and although
I had the desire, I also didn’t have a place in mind where to go. I
took her advice and began college, studying Psychology and Theology,
and later on obtained a Masters in community counseling. Right after
high school I dated some, but it didn’t feel right in my heart doing
so…that marriage was what God had in mind for me. The studies also
didn’t really fill my heart. During this time I began visiting
different religious communities, as well as seeing a priest
spiritual director, who helped me immensely. At this time as well I
began reading different books on St. Bernadette, and grew in
devotion to her. I had read The Song of Bernadette before, and
especially admired her humble charity with others.
I also got involved a lot with pro life ministry for about four
years, particularly going to the abortion clinics to pray, and to
minister to the women and men going in about alternatives to
abortion. I loved doing this, because I really felt that our
presence there at the clinics could save lives – not only the life
of the babies, but also the women who are affected in every way –
spiritually, physically, and emotionally – by the trauma of
abortion. Even if we couldn’t stop an abortion that day, I truly
felt our presence there ministering as sidewalk counselors was
similar to being at the foot of the Cross, when Jesus was dying,
witnessing to love and life. It was only later that I discovered
that in our community, spiritually we are called to be at the foot
of the cross, witnessing to love. We do so by being there as Our
Lady was, with open hearts to receive the precious blood and water
which flowed copiously from His pierced side, so that His blood may
not fall in vain.
I visited many communities in the approximately ten years I was
discerning. I really felt a calling to prayer, but although I
discerned that God was not calling me to the cloister, I wanted a
community that combined the contemplative aspect with the active
life.
I continued searching for the Lord’s plan for me. I looked on the
CMSWR website, the Council of Major Superiors of Women Religious. I
desired a community that valued and wore the habit, and that was
completely faithful to the magisterial teachings of the Church. I
first found our community in 2006. There was about a three paragraph
section on the CMSWR website about the charism of the Servants of
the Pierced Hearts of Jesus and Mary. They are called to love to the
extreme, in imitation of Jesus and Mary who were pierced for us. I
clicked on their website, but it was all in Spanish! While I knew
some Spanish, it was not enough to really read it. Truthfully I kind
of dismissed the idea from my mind. A few months later, in August
2006, I happened to try their website again, and happily discovered
they now had a page in English! I could now read about them, and I
fell more in love with their charism, especially in their call to be
offerings of love and consolation to the Pierced Hearts. I decided
to write them. Later I found out that our Mother Foundress, Mother
Adela, had desired that the English website be put up. The sisters later
told me that I was their first vocational contact on the day they launched the vocational e-mail! The ways of the Lord are mysterious.
I began
speaking with the sisters more regularly about my vocation, and I
fell more in love with who they were. I visited the community in
February of 2007. I strongly sensed in my heart while I was there
that this was it. I felt like it was home, and I deeply loved the
community. The habit in particular had a lot of significance for me.
For example, the color of our habit, taupe, symbolizes the color of
the earth, the color of humility. Burgandy, the color of our belt
and shoes, symbolizes the following of Jesus in sacrificial love.
The white both on our veils and as the color of our shirt symbolize
purity of heart and mind. When I returned home after my first visit,
I kept thinking in my heart, ‘See how they love one another…’ (1 Jn)
in community. It was amazing. I was so happy to finally find the
place where God was calling me to be all His, and to continue my
vocational process. I entered as a postulant in August of that year.
It has been a beautiful process, one that I would repeat again if I
had the chance. It was a special day when I professed my vows with
three other of my sisters on December 12, 2009, Feast of Our Lady of
Guadalupe. I ask for the great grace to be here always. May I live
love, and always give my fiat to God’s love through the heart of Our
Lady.
“All
for the Heart of Jesus through the heart of Mary.”
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