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Splendor of Truth - The Moral Life |
The FOURTH Commandment
“Honor your
father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land
which the Lord your God gives you” (Ex 20:12, Dt 5:16).
Does the fourth
commandment apply only to our parents, or does it extend to
other people in authority over us? (CCC 2197-2199)
Yes, this
commandment extends to all those in authority over us – parents,
teachers, instructors, superiors, employers, government
officials, law enforcement, etc. As well, it includes our
extended family – grandparents, elders, ancestors, aunts,
uncles, etc. God has allowed them to have authority over us, and
therefore, we have the duty to respect it.
What does is mean to
honor them?
To honor someone
goes beyond merely doing what they ask, although obedience is
the primary way we honor them. This applies for the Lord as well
– we honor and love Him most when we obey him. Therefore,
obedience is the best way we can honor those in authority.
However, it is certainly possible to obey someone, but to be
thinking something negative or unloving while we obey.
Consequently, obedience and honor run deeper than our actions.
Honor is ultimately a state of heart. When we honor someone in
our heart, we give them respect in our thoughts as well. Because
of the responsibility God has given them over us, we respect
them and look to serve and obey them with all our being. This
means that we should not talk bad about them to others or
complain about them in our minds or out loud. If we are obeying
with the body, our expressions and countenance should not be
giving a message to the contrary. In short, we should joyfully
and simply – with our thoughts, words, expressions, and
actions – give honor, respect and obedience to all in authority
over us.
What if the person
we are called to honor is asking us to sin?
No one ever has the
right to ask us to commit a sin. Therefore, if someone we are
called to honor asks us to sin, we are obligated to say no. God
is the first Person we are called to honor always, and
therefore, we must never do anything to offend Him or go against
truth. We honor God first, then man.
What
if it seems as if the person is authority is incompetent or not
doing a very good job? What if I think I could do a better job?
This is a very
important and good question that has many facets. It is also has
an answer that is difficult for modern society to accept and
follow. It is important to understand that most people in modern
society have been raised with a mentality that believes it is
acceptable to rebel against authority, or at the very least,
question it and not respect it if it seems to be incompetent or
ignorant. Before we progress further, it is also important to
remind ourselves of our only true goal in life – love of God,
holiness and the salvation of souls. If we have this goal in
mind, submitting to anyone above us, regardless of personal
talent or competence, should become a much easier task.
The root of all sin
is pride, and therefore, our whole lives should be a battle
against it. The mere fact that we think we are better
than others should be a clear indication of pride in our hearts.
If we truly want to battle it, then we should consider it an
exercise of humility to place ourselves at the bottom, rather
than the top. Even if I truly could do a better job, I must
recognize that my abilities are not my own. Each talent I have
was given to me by God. Trying to take credit for them makes me
a thief. As well, as Blessed Mother Teresa said, “God does not
ask us to be successful, but faithful.” If He wants to use the
talents He gave me, praise God. If He wants some to lay dormant
for a time, praise God. By doing so, He is most likely trying to
make others stronger.
The other great
enemy of our holiness and sanctification is our self will.
Submitting ourselves under authority to obey a will not our own
is an extraordinary way to battle this great obstacle. This is
why most religious who profess the three evangelical counsels
(poverty, chastity, and obedience) say, to the surprise of many,
that obedience is the most difficult because it serves as such a
great blow to pride and self-will.
Last, we look to the
Lord as our supreme answer to this question. God has the power
to do anything He wills. He could accomplish all on earth by
Himself. However, He chooses to use weak, inferior and broken
instruments to accomplish His works. Not only are the
instruments poor, but they often rebel against Him. Our
participation in our own salvation and that of others is very
real. In the absolute sense, God does not need us. But He
chooses to need us. Therefore, how we obey has real
consequences – good and bad. How much more could God get done if
He did it all Himself! But He chooses to use us instead – and He
patiently endures our blunders, errors, laziness, and even
refusals to do anything at all. Yet, he never gives up and takes
over Himself, casting us to the side. Why? Because He knows that
our participation, our contribution, it best for us.
Amazing. (We must note that it is still His power working – but
it is working through us. He still does it, but chooses
to accept our help.)
This should make us
think us think twice when we criticize someone in authority over
us. These positions – those of authority and those under it –
are both given to increase the holiness of all. Instead of using
our energy to think about how we could do better in a place we
are not, we need to use it to think about how God is
asking us to be better in the place that we are.
Does this commandment
require me to take care of my parents in their old age
or if they are ill? (CCC 2218)
This
commandment obliges children, as much as they can, to
give their parents material and moral support when they
are confronted with old age, sickness, loneliness, or
some other difficult trial. Scripture indicates the
same: “Help your father in his old age” (Sir 3:12) and
“whoever does not provide for relatives and especially
family members has denied the faith and is worse than an
unbeliever” (1 Tim 5:7). This is a commandment that has
lost much of its value in our modern day. But as
Christians, we must be the first to reclaim it and begin
living all the aspects of this commandment. At the
foundation of it are three concepts: love for life,
gratitude for that which we have received, and
responsibility.
As is very
clearly seen with abortion and euthanasia, we have lost
value for life. However, this devaluing is
manifested in a number of other subtle ways, one of them
being the way in which we do not properly care for our
aged and ill parents. We find ourselves measuring the
value of a life on that life’s productivity and
usefulness, rather than giving life itself an inherent
dignity. In many ways, the dignity of an elderly person
is greater – rather than an apparent “less” resulting
from a decreased “usefulness” – due to the wisdom and
grace that old age brings. An elderly person brings the
wisdom and dignity that comes from persevering through
life’s sufferings and battles, from allowing the years
to form and mature them. If they have lived a life of
faith, hope and love, their spiritual wisdom is
unsurpassed. In the past, the elders in a community were
revered for this reason. Now they are cast aside because
we do not value this wisdom like before and we see them
as less useful because they are less physically capable.
Furthermore,
if we feel burdened by the responsibility of taking care
of our parents, worried that it may infringe on our
comfort and place restrictions on the way we want to
live our lives, we must examine this fundamentally
ungrateful and selfish attitude that stems from a lack
of gratitude. Our parents centered their lives
around loving and providing for us. This debt of love
should be willingly repaid. We should yearn for the
chance to give back some of what we received. Not only
were we materially, educationally, spiritually, and
emotionally provided for by our parents, but we were
given a gift of inestimable value – life itself. This
alone renders us eternally grateful to them.
Understandably, the reality of many people makes this
more difficult – how many have been hurt and wounded by
a lack of love from their parents? How many were
abandoned by one or both – physically, emotionally or
spiritually? This certainly makes caring for them more
difficult when we feel that we were not cared for by
them. However, battling against this inclination to
return hurt for hurt is precisely what can bring about
healing. Only love can heal the deepest wounds of the
human heart – wounds are never healed by creating new
ones. When we choose to love those who have not loved
us, then we are truly loving as Christ loved. Just as
Jesus taught, even sinners love those who love them.
True love is measured when we love those who have not
loved us. Beautifully, forgiving and choosing love when
it is most difficult has the power to heal and transform
the wounds of the past. We must allow love to triumph,
and we do this by choosing love always.
Finally, we
must understand that love and responsibility
cannot be separated. Love without responsibility is
always selfishness and egoism, a desire for pleasure
above the good of the other. We must look to the cross –
the greatest act of love was also the greatest suffering
ever experienced. Love implies a willingness to
sacrifice for the good of the other. What does the
incredibly high number of nursing homes say about the
way we feel about our elderly parents, about our sense
of responsibility? We are too willing to cast others
aside so that we can live our lives as we desire, rather
than living our lives based on our real responsibilities
toward those who have been placed in our care.
What if I feel the Lord is
calling me down a certain path (for example, to a
religious vocation or the priesthood) and my parents are
opposed to it? Am I required to obey them in this
regard? (CCC 2217, 2230-2233)
The answer is “no.” In fact, children have the right and
the duty to choose their profession and their state in
life. As soon as a child reaches the legal age of
emancipation (in the United States, this is 18 years
old), that child is no longer under the obligation of
obedience toward his or her parents. Therefore, children
do not have to obey the wishes of their parents after
they reach this age. It is even possible to be
emancipated at earlier age, and then one would be able
to pursue their vocation earlier. However, Canon Law
does not allow anyone to enter into the novitiate before
17 years of age, and one cannot be ordained a priest
until he is 25 years old. Therefore, canonically, there
are laws that prevent people from formally pursuing
their vocation before a certain age.
In general, it is important to realize that a vocation
to any state in life is a call directly from God to a
soul. Therefore, it is important to realize that we
first have an obligation toward God to hear and answer
His call in our lives. Jesus Himself tells us, “He who
loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me;
and he who loves son or daughter more than me is not
worthy of me” (Mt 10:37). Family ties are important, but
they are not absolute, and we our call to family ties is
ultimately a call to the “family of the Lord” which is
the Church. Therefore, our obedience to God our Father
is more important than our obedience to our natural
father.
It is often the case that parents are opposed to a
religious vocation. However, this should not be, for
parents have the duty to help a child discover and
answer the call the God is giving him. When parents do
offer opposition, it is worthwhile and expected that we
would hear them out, for our parents do know us well and
love us. They have the right and duty to help and advise
us with their wisdom in regards to a vocation. However,
we also have a dual responsibility – to evaluate the
reasons for opposition and place these reasons before
the Lord. If the Lord is calling us, and we have come to
know this, and the call has been maturely discerned, no
reason from our parents should dissuade us from
following this call.
What are the duties of parents toward their children?
(CCC 2221-2229)
First and foremost, the primary duty of parents toward
their children is providing for their education – first
their moral and spiritual, and then their academic. This
right of parents is so important that no one can take it
away from them. Parents have the duty of morally and
spiritually forming their children in the faith, and
parents are the first ones who should evangelize their
children. This evangelization should precede and assist
any other form of catechesis or evangelization. Parents
have the duty to teach their children how to pray, how
to be virtuous, how to obey the commandments, how to
hear and follow God’s voice, and how to place spiritual
values above material ones. They have the grave duty to
teach their children by their own good example. The home
should be a school of love for both parents and
children. Parents cannot expect their children to learn
virtues that they are not first modeling and teaching
themselves. This primary duty of parents has been
greatly ignored and neglected in our current age. Many
parents expect others to teach their children and to
model good and virtuous behavior before they are willing
to do these things themselves. It is of fundamental
importance that parents understand that they are their
children’s first and most important teachers.
As well, parents have the obligation to provide for the
material and physical needs of their children. They have
the responsibility that their children have adequate
housing, food, clothing, and basic necessities of life.
What are the duties of civil authorities before their
citizens? (CCC 2235-2237)
This is a very important question that we have greatly
ceased to understand in our current day.
First, the fundamental role of civil authority is that
of service – civil authorities are meant to serve the
people and help to attain to a better and more dignified
state in life. Therefore, any time a civil authority or
institution degrades the dignity of the person, brings
them harm, and restricts their freedom and right to
reach a better state in life, that authority is revoking
their very identity. What does this mean?
First of all, we must understand that the gift of
authority is a participation in the authority of God.
Because we are a social community, we need to the gift
of authority in order to have effective direction and a
unity of purpose. Authority is necessary for a
well-ordered society. But the gift of authority comes
from God. Therefore, if it is exercised in a way opposed
to God, it ceases to be authentic authority, and it
becomes harmful.
One of the first responsibilities of authority is to
uphold the natural law and dignity of the human person.
Anything that goes against the natural law should not be
allowed in civil law, because civil law is meant to be
an extension and application of natural and moral law.
Therefore, we can clearly see that the legalization of
abortion is a grave misuse of civil authority – it
cannot make legal something that clearly harms the
dignity of the human person and is a violation of
natural law.
As well, civil authority has the duty to uphold the
common good. The laws they make and the ways in which
they enforce them must be done with the common good in
mind. Some laws cease to do this because they favor only
one group. But in the end, all bad laws end up hurting
everyone. Something harmful for one is always harmful to
the whole – we are a family, a body, and the common good
is always the individual good. Everything done against
the natural law and the dignity of the human person is
also a harm for the common and individual good.
As well, civil authority should always bear in mind
justice, peace, and the poor and disadvantaged when they
are making decisions. They have an obligation, as far as
they are able, to seek peace, harmony, and justice, and
to help those that most need it.
Finally, civil authorities cannot take away inherent
rights and freedoms – again, they are meant to be
servants that look to uphold and promote legitimate
rights and freedoms. Some of these rights are a right to
educate children; a right to a fair wage; a right to
health care; a right to life – the most fundamental; a
right to food, work, property and a home; a right to
practice their faith and religion; a right marry and
have a family.
In summary, civil authority must place itself at the
service of its people to help raise them up in all
aspects of their lives. When it ceases to do this, it
ceases to be what God designed it to be, and it ceases
to be a sign of God’s loving and caring authority that
looks to bring about good, harmony and order.
What if other
authorities are asking me to do things contrary to
what my parents are asking of me? (CCC 2216-2217)
In
general, our parents are the first people we are
called to obey (if we are still living in their
house). Their authority is the primary authority in
the lives of their children. So if another authority
asks something contrary to what the parents ask, the
parents should be obeyed. If it seems like prudence
says otherwise, the best thing to do is consult with
the parents and ask them to shed light on the
situation. If this is not possible, however, the
parents’ wishes take precedence.
This
being said, there are situations in which this
primary authority can be evaluated. As has been
mentioned, if parents ask their children to do
something that goes against the conscience of their
children or that will bring harm to the children or
the family, the children may (and should) disobey.
Conscience is the voice of God speaking to us, and
this always takes precedence in our moral decisions.
Therefore, if an authority brings a matter of
conscience to light, leading a child to see that
something their parents are asking is wrong or
harmful, then the child should obey the other
authority because he obeying his conscience. If a
child becomes unsure of the correct thing to do, if
possible, he should investigate further to discover
what is right and what is wrong before making a
decision. In general, if this is not possible and a
decision must be made, the parents’ wishes should be
obeyed.
After
all of this, it is important to note that these are
general principles, and prudence and wisdom must
always be used in evaluating individual situations.
This page is the work of the Servants of the Pierced Hearts of Jesus and
Mary
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