In the Gospel this
Sunday we read: “Jesus said to his disciples: ‘If
your brother sins, go and admonish him privately; if
he listens to you, you have gained your brother.’”
Jesus speaks of all sins; he does not restrict the
field to sins committed against us. In this latter
sort of case, it is hard to know whether what moves
us is zeal for truth or our own wounded pride. In
any case, it would be more of a self-defense than a
fraternal correction. When the sin is against us,
the first duty is not correction but forgiveness.
Why does Jesus say to admonish your brother
privately? Above all, this injunction has respect
for your brother’s good name, his dignity in view.
The worst thing would be to want to correct a
husband in the presence of his wife or a wife in the
presence of her husband, a father in front of his
children, a teacher in front of pupils, or a
superior in the presence of inferiors; in other
words, in the presence of those whose esteem is
important for the person in question? The situation
will soon become a public trial. It would be very
difficult for the person to accept the correction
well. His dignity would be compromised.
Jesus says that the admonishment should take place
privately to give the person the chance to defend
himself and explain his actions in complete freedom.
Many times what appears to an outside observer to be
a sin is not in the intention of the person who
committed it. A frank explanation clears up many
misunderstandings. But this is no longer possible
when the person is publicly redressed and the
incident brought to the awareness of others.
When, for whatever reason, fraternal correction is
not possible in private, there is something that
must never be done in its place, and that is to
divulge, without good reason, one’s brother’s fault,
to speak ill of him or, indeed, to calumniate him,
proposing as fact something that is not, or
exaggerating the fault. “Do not speak ill of one
another,” Scripture says (James 4:11). Gossip is not
something innocent; it is ugly and reprehensible.
A woman once went to St. Philip Neri for confession,
accusing herself badmouthing people. The saint
absolved her but gave her a strange penance. He told
her to go home, get a hen and come back, plucking
the bird’s feathers as she walked along the street.
When she had returned to him he said: “Now go back
home and, as you go, pick up each feather that you
plucked on the way.” The woman told him that it
would be impossible since the wind had almost
certainly blown them away in the meantime. But St.
Philip was prepared: “You see,” he said, “just as it
is impossible to pick up the feathers once the wind
has scattered them, it is likewise impossible to
gather gossip and calumnies back up once they have
come out of our mouth.”
Returning to the theme of the correction, we should
say that the good outcome of the correction does not
always depend on us; despite our best intentions,
the other may not accept the correction, he may
harden. But this can be compensated for: When we
ourselves are corrected, the good outcome does
depend on us! Indeed, I could very well be the
person who “who has sinned” and the “corrector”
could easily be someone else: husband, wife, friend,
confrere or father superior.
In sum, there is not only active correction but
passive correction; there is not only the duty to
correct but the duty to allow yourself to be
corrected. And it is precisely here that we can see
whether someone is mature enough to correct others.
Whoever wants to correct someone must be ready, in
turn, to be corrected. When you see someone accept
an observation and you hear him or her answer with
simplicity: “You are right. Thanks for letting me
know!” Doff your cap because you are in the presence
of a true man or true woman.
Christ’s teaching about fraternal correction must
always be read together with what he says on another
occasion: “Why do you regard the speck in your
brother’s eye and ignore the bean in your own? How
can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the
speck from your eye’ when you do not see the beam
that is in yours” (Luke 6:41)?
What Jesus has taught us about correction can be
very useful in raising children too. Correction is
one of the parent’s fundamental duties. “What son is
not disciplined by his father?” Scripture says
(Hebrews 12:7); and again: “Straighten the little
plant while it is still young if you do not want it
to be permanently crooked.” Completely renouncing
every form of correction is one of the worst things
that you can do to your children and unfortunately
it very common today.
You must simply take care that the correction itself
does not become an accusation or a criticism. In
correcting you should just stick to reproving the
error that was committed; don’t generalize it and
reproach everything about the child and his conduct.
Instead, use the correction to point out all the
good things that you see in the child and how you
expect much better from him, in such away that the
correction becomes encouragement rather than
disqualification. This was the method that St. John
Bosco used with children.
It is not easy in individual cases to know whether
it is better to correct something or let it go,
speak or be silent. This is why it is important to
remember the Golden Rule, valid in all cases, that
St. Paul offers in the second letter: “Owe each
other nothing but the debt of mutual love. […] Love
does evil to no one.” Augustine synthesized
everything in the maxim, “Love and do what you
will.”
You must make sure above all that in your heart
there is a fundamental disposition of welcome toward
other persons. If you have this, then whatever you
do, whether you correct or remain silent, you will
be doing the right thing, because love “does evil to
no one.”
