FORGIVENESS AS
FRUIT OF GOD’S MERCY
Sr. Mary Amanda, SCTJM
Women’s Midweek Retreat: October 19-21
God bless you. This talk is entitled Forgiveness as fruit of
God’s mercy. I will be talking first about God’s love and mercy
towards us, especially in His Sacraments of the Church; the
nature of forgiveness; how to forgive ourselves, and lastly
techniques we can apply to better forgive others.
Forgiveness is a fruit of God’s mercy, and so I will first of
all talk about God’s love and mercy towards us, His creatures.
In the book of Genesis, when human beings first sinned against
God with the original sin, in our disobedience we were banned
from the Garden of Eden, lest we also eat from the tree of life,
and thus live forever in this way. The consequences of sin were
that we would toil for the bread we eat, our labor pains would
increase, and that we would suffer death. We were banned from
the garden, from paradise, where we had walked so closely with
God. We sinned, or hurt God, who is infinite, and so the
atonement needed for our sin was also infinite. Jesus, the God
Man, came in the flesh, in order to redeem us. God Himself
reached out to forgive and reconcile us back to Him. In Genesis,
we first hear this good news of the promise of a savior who will
crush the head of the serpent. God sent His son Jesus, who lived
and died for us. He was crucified, and spoke words of love and
forgiveness unto His death, “Father, forgive them, they know not
what they do” (Lk 23:24). He gave his life, but has power to
take it up again, through his resurrection.
We had sinned against God who infinite. When we think of God’s
generosity towards us, His children, it makes it easier for us
to forgive others, when we remember that we have sinned against
God infinitely more than any person can sin against us.
Jesus calls us to: “Love one another, as I have loved you” (Jn
13:34). He loved us to the extreme of giving His life for us.
Scripture says we must also lay down our lives for our brothers.
St. Therese of Lisieux, doctor of the little way, understood
this love very well. She called her path to God the ‘little
way,’ which consisted of doing small things with a depth of
love. For example, there was one infirmed sister in her
community who was ill, and she used to assist her in walking.
This sister would complain often and in various ways about the
way she was being led, and this was very difficult for Therese.
Because of the difficulty, she felt it was a beautiful
opportunity for practicing charity. She said, “When I was
guiding {this Sister} I did it with so much I could not have
possibly done it better had I been guiding Jesus Himself” (Story
of a Soul, p 249). She says when she was charitable she felt it
was really Jesus acting in her, in order to shower His love onto
others.
The Church teaches that Christ died for all men without
exception, and that there is no offense that the Church cannot
forgive (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 605). Some of the
Sacraments of the Church, instituted by Jesus, have the power to
forgive sins. The Church has the mission to forgive sins,
continuing Jesus’ own mission of reconciliation and healing. In
the Scripture about the paralytic, it says: “…people brought to
him a paralytic ….When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the
paralytic, ‘Courage, child, your sins are forgiven.’ At that,
some of the scribes said to themselves, ‘this man is
blaspheming.’ Jesus knew what they were thinking, and said, ‘Why
do you harbor evil thoughts? Which is easier, to say, ‘your sins
are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘rise and walk?’ But that you may know
that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins” – he
then said the paralytic, ‘Rise, pick up your stretcher, and go
home.’ He rose and went home” (Mt 9:2-7). We see here how the
Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins, and how He
continues through His Body, the Church, to do so today.
Baptism is the first and chief sacrament of forgiveness of sins
because it unites us with Christ, who died and rose so that we
too might walk in newness of life. We also have the Sacrament of
Reconciliation, which we should go to for all mortal sins and
the Church stipulates at least once a year. In the sacrament of
the Eucharist, which Jesus instituted at the Last Supper, He
says, “’This is My body, given for you’ …and likewise the cup,
saying, “This cup is the new covenant of my blood which will be
shed for you and for many for the forgiveness of sins” (Lk
22:19). Receiving the Eucharist unites us intimately to Jesus,
and forgives our venial sins.
II. WHAT IS FORGIVENESS
God’s forgiveness of us is a reminder that should then make it
easier to forgive others. Forgiveness is really a fruit of God’s
love and it flows from God. But what does forgiveness exactly
mean? Forgiveness is to give up resentments, to pardon another.
We see a good example of this in the life of John Paul II, when
in 1981, two years after his election as pope, there was an
assassination attempt on his life. His life was spared, and he
would later say that ‘one hand fired the shot and another guided
it.’ He was speaking here in reference to God’s protection of
Him through the hands of Our Blessed Mother. When he was able
to, he visited the prison where is assassin was, and was able to
talk with him and forgive him in person.
Forgiveness is a decision of the heart. The feelings will
follow. Scripture says that when God forgives us, He “remembers
our sins no more” (Jeremiah 31:34). This does not mean that the
all-knowing God forgets because He forgives us, but that He
pardons us in His goodness.
The Bible tells us that we are to forgive those who sin against
us. In the Lord's Prayer, we ask God to forgive us our sins,
just as we forgive those who sin against us (Matthew 6:12).
Jesus told us in Matthew 6:14-15: “If you forgive those who sin
against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you
refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your
sins.” He also exhorts us to: “love your enemies, do good to
those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those
who mistreat you. Love your enemies, and lend to them without
expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great”
(Lk 6:27-28).
God’s way is forgiveness and love. We’re to pray for our enemies
- for their happiness, well being, and salvation. As you pray,
God can give them revelation that will bring them out of their
deception . . . as sin is always a deception, a blindness. It
says to bless and do not curse your enemies, and Proverbs 17:9
says that he who covers an offense seeks love.
The story of Joseph here comes to mind, from the book of Genesis
(37-50). His parents were Jacob and Rachel. Jacob waited many
years to have Rachel’s hand in marriage. When they married, she
was barren, but eventually she gave birth to two sons. Jacob had
other children, but he loved the two sons borne to him by her
the best. Joseph, one of those sons, had a dream which he shared
with his brothers, where many people, including them, were
bowing down to him. The other brothers then plotted on how to
kill Joseph. One of his brothers however convinced them to only
throw him into a well, thus sparing his life. They did so, and
then decided he should be sold to the Egyptians. Afterwards they
lied and told their father Joseph had died. In Egypt, Joseph is
put into prison. He is released after many years when he is able
to interpret the Pharaoh’s dream for him. Later there is a
famine, and the Pharaoh placed Joseph in charge of rationing the
grain for the land. One day, after many years have gone by, his
brothers appear before him in desperate need. Joseph convinced
them to leave in order to bring his other brother, Benjamin,
back with them to Egypt. He was the only other son borne to
Jacob by Rachel. His brothers did not recognize him. They came
back with Benjamin, and Joseph tested them. He had a cup put
into their bag, to make it appear that they stole it, and in
punishment for their “crime” he allows the other brothers to go
but for Benjamin to remain. The other brothers, saying they
could not bear to see the misery that would overcome the father,
volunteered to stay in place of their brother. At that point
Joseph could not control his feelings anymore, and he made
everyone else leave the vicinity so that he and his brothers
were alone. He admitted to them, “I am Joseph.” He said, and
this section is interesting: “Do not reproach yourselves for
having sold me here, since God sent me before you to preserve
your lives, and many lives” (Gen 45:5-8). Isn’t that a great way
to think of things: it was not a person who sent me here but
God. He has a purpose for everything. Joseph asked them to see
his father. Then it says he wept, and he embraced and kissed
them! What a beautiful story of forgiveness.
We must make a decision to forgive, and trust that the hurts
from it will be healed in time. We must also ask God to help us.
We cannot forgive without the power of the Holy Spirit. If we
are truly willing, God will help us to forgive, but we must turn
and ask for His help.
For this we need new hearts. Jeremiah says, “I will place my law
within them, and write it upon their hearts” (31:33). As well,
Ezekiel tells us, “I will give you a new heart and place a new
spirit within you, taking from your bodies your stony hearts and
giving you natural hearts” (36:26-27). The Holy Spirit replaces
our hearts of stone to give us hearts of flesh, capable of
loving to the extreme.
We can also look to Our Lady and ask her to help you to forgive.
She loved God with her whole being and above all. In fact, the
‘let it be done’ given by Our Lady teaches us, and women in
particular, that there is a particular power granted to us by
God: often our cooperation in the plan of salvation is in what
we humbly and trustingly allow God to do in and through us. So
we can invite Him to forgive through us, through the
intercession of Our Lady. We remember that she forgave Peter and
the other apostles when they ran away and abandoned Jesus in His
time of greatest need. She forgave them just as her Son Jesus
had forgiven them.
We can petition Our Lady: Blessed Mother, give us your heart of
forgiveness and love . . . give us your eyes to see, your hands
to touch and heal, so that we may reflect the compassion and
mercy of Jesus to others.
And mercy is nothing other than love . . . Saint Paul writes a
beautiful description of love found in 1 Corinthians 13: “ Love
is patient; love does not seek its own interests, it does not
brood over injury, it rejoices with the truth. It endures all
things. Love never fails.”
This point is key - that we shouldn’t brood over injury,
ruminating over and over again about what happened to us.
Instead, we shouldn’t brood over it but think of it in order to
ask to be healed. Sometimes we ‘brood over’ our own mistakes as
well. When our former sins come to mind, it is good in the sense
that it can remind us of how much our sins have hurt God, and
how we don’t want to displease or hurt him because we love Him.
Sometimes if our former sins come to mind and we have already
repented sincerely and confessed, we can make a decision not to
dwell upon them, but upon thoughts of the awesome God who
forgave us and thank and praise Him for his mercy (Philippians
4:8). We do this because He is so much greater than our faults
and sins!!
FORGIVING OURSELVES
This leads us into the topic of forgiving ourselves, which can
be one of the hardest things we have to do. In talking of this
I’d look to look at the examples of Judas and Peter. Judas sold
Jesus for thirty pieces of silver. He loved money over God, and
more than God. Afterwards Judas ultimately didn’t trust God to
forgive him nor was he able to forgive himself. It seems that he
repented, by flinging the money back to the temple, but then he
fell into desperation and the Bible says he hung himself (Mt
27:5). He didn’t turn to God or trust His mercy . . .
It is interesting that Peter also betrayed Jesus at a critical
moment, denying that he knew Him three times. He had earlier
promised Jesus he would never deny Him and was even willing to
go to death for Him! Peter repented of his betrayal of Jesus,
but there is another difference between himself and Judas in
that he came back to Jesus. After Jesus’ resurrection, Jesus
allowed Peter three affirmations of his love to counter the
three earlier denials. How beautiful – this helps remind us that
Jesus can do anything. The Lord is much greater than our faults
and sins.
In a way, we have all betrayed and hurt Jesus. But He forgives
us, and is there to pick us up after a fall. It is so important
to not give up when we make a mistake and give in to
discouragement. We must allow ourselves to be picked up after a
fall, and remember that it is the main orientation and the
direction of our hearts and lives that are most important. We
retake the path. This is so important. An example to illustrate
this point came to me one day – I heard about a couple who had
remained married and celebrated their 70th wedding anniversary.
What a privilege and a blessing for that couple! And I got to
thinking, I’m sure over the years they had various problems etc.
and I thought, what if one of them had done something big, maybe
committed an affair after thirty years of marriage? I’m
inventing, but let us say for example’s sake it was the husband
and it went on for a year, but afterwards he was truly sorry,
and was sincere in his repentance. He ended the affair, sought
forgiveness and reconciliation from God, from those he hurt,
from his wife, and also he forgives himself. He never repeated
the affair again. I was reflecting, what if he was sorry, but
had thought to himself, “Well, I’ve ruined it. No one will ever
forgive me – ever . . . I might as well throw in the towel…” and
he gives up. He is so disgusted he leaves the marriage. Or he
could have given up on life. What if he felt unworthy and
thought, what have I done my wife will never take me back, I’m a
horrible person, etc., never asking for forgiveness. And this
analogy can be applied to any sin. My point is, in this example,
the husband seeks forgiveness and retakes the path: he
continues, tries to work on his marriage and its problems. He
doesn’t give up. In the long run, it occurred to me that the
orientation of his heart was what was important: that although
he messed up, the orientation of his heart was towards his wife,
even though there were some failures, and even maybe pretty big
ones, in this man’s life. This is how it is with our
relationship with God as well.
Another example that I thought of in regard to renewal is the
Chastity pledges we used to receive in high school – to promise
to abstain from sexual activity until marriage. And what is
beautiful is that if you have already been sexually active, you
can recommit yourself to remain chaste. We were taught that
chastity is not seen so much as a no to everything, but as a
“yes” to your future spouse. Thus, if you’ve fallen, you start
over, you recommit, and you GO ON. This is so important, not to
give up. The Lord can transform anything, and our God is a God
of second chances. These previous examples can also be an
analogy of our relationship with God. We say were sorry and we
orient our heart and lives back towards Him, trusting not in our
strength but in the greatness of his mercy.
FORGIVENESS OF OTHERS
Now I will speak of some practical steps we can do to help us to
forgive others. Dr. Worthington, a psychologist who has
researched forgiveness for decades, has developed a five-step
process called REACH (http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/topic/forgiveness/how-forgiveDr).
R is for Recall. Recall the events and the hurt as accurately
and objectively as you can. Think of a person who has wronged
you and describe what happened and how you felt.
E is for Empathize. Try to understand what happened from the
perspective or angle of the person who wronged you.
A is for the Altruistic gift of forgiveness. What helps with
this is to appreciate being forgiven by reflecting on a time
when you were forgiven, and offer this gift to the person who
wronged you. ‘Acting to the contrary’ of your feeling can help
us forgive too. By this I mean you might consider performing an
act of kindness toward the offender.
One example of a great saint of forgiveness is St. Maria Goretti.
She lived in the early 1900’s, and when she refused the sexual
advances of an older teenager named Alexander, he went into a
rage and stabbed her fourteen times. She had many wounds, which
killed her, although not immediately. It took a few days,
wherein she could not eat or drink anything. She united her
sufferings to Jesus’ on the cross.
As she lay dying a priest held up a crucifix for her to look at
and asked if she could forgive Alexander, and unite her wounds
with His. She said she did, and she wished he would be in heaven
one day with her. Many years past, and Alexander, still in
prison for his crime, had a dream in which Maria Goretti handed
him fourteen lilies, one for each stab wound. He later deeply
repented, became a monk, and later attended her canonization.
C is for Committing yourself to forgive publicly. Ideas could
include to: Imagine forgiveness, by imagining what you might say
to the person and how you would feel. You could write a letter
of forgiveness – expressing what you wish the person had done.
You could write in a journal, or if you can, speak to the person
who wronged you. You can reframe the event: meaning to keep the
event in perspective, remembering nothing last forever.
Sometimes we cannot see the forest for the trees. Also, a good
mediation is to reflect that we aren’t going to live forever,
and we can reflect on the day of our death. We could ask: who is
it important for me to be reconciled with?
H is for Holding onto forgiveness. Replay the situation again in
which you were hurt. You can ask yourself what you can learn
from it about yourself and the situation for the future?
Memories of the wrong and feelings will come up, and when they
do, remind yourself of the decision to forgive.
To conclude, we embrace forgiveness as a fruit of God’s mercy
–returning love for love – forgiving others in light of the
great forgiveness we have received. We must have great
confidence in His love. Scripture reminds us that “As far as the
east is from the west, so far has He put our transgressions from
us.”
We can imitate St. Therese, who had great trust in God’s love.
She wrote: “Yes, I feel it; even though I had on my conscience
all the sins that can be committed, I would go, my heart broken
with sorrow, and throw myself into Jesus’ arms, for I know how
much He loves the prodigal child who returns to Him. It is not
because God, in His anticipating Mercy, has preserved my soul
from mortal sin that I go to Him with confidence and love . . .”
(Story of a Soul, p. 259).
